As a homeschooling mother of a 2nd grader and a cutie but time-consuming 3-yr-old, my brain and energy get tied up with household and mom duties, and music often gets left on the back burner. I find that I have to talk myself out of guilt when I DO set aside time for music - guilt over letting my focus be taken away from my kiddos and put on something else that is a passion of mine. God gave me these precious children to care for and teach, but in His wisdom and love He also gave me a husband who knows I have music guilt issues and helps me shake them off when I need to. And it’s important that I do that, because music is not only something I love to do, but more importantly it’s one of the ways I can be a testimony to the unconditional love of God.
I know God put music in my soul. It’s one of the ways I can connect to Him. And because I love to worship Him through song, I have often wondered why He gave me the writing style He did, which isn’t what I’d think of as “worship music”. My songs are more like stories, pieces and parts of my daily walk. Sometimes they’re light and fun, other times inspirational and hopeful, but often they are darker and full of questions and struggles. And for a while I was afraid to write and record those kinds of songs, afraid that in writing them I would be painting a picture I didn’t want anyone to see. But an interesting thing I find is that, strung all together, the songs I write actually create a picture of the love of a God who is wise beyond my comprehension, and the faith in the core of my being that keeps me seeking Him.
God knew exactly what He was doing when he created each one of us. He knew our life here wasn’t all going to be cake and ice cream. He knows that the roads He gave each of us to walk are there to stretch us, humble us, shake us, and teach us, and that there are going to be times when we question His love and compassion for us and others. But I believe that through the creative expressions of our struggles, if we let Him shape us, we will learn and be able to share beautiful things.
As the song by Gungor so simply expresses it, “He makes beautiful things out of the dust.”