I love breakthroughs. It’s too bad that I can’t decide when I’m going to have one. But isn’t it funny that so often they happen right after, or maybe even because of, a really tough patch. One just happened for me with my music, and I’m so thankful.
I go through various ups and downs where my music writing, and especially vocals, are concerned. You know that saying, "You’re your own worst critic"? Um, yeah, that’s kind-of an understatement for me. I sometimes hold myself and my music up to a ridiculously high standard, one that I will probably never reach, and then get discouraged when I can’t reach it. And then there follows wailing, and weeping, and general gnashing of teeth, and firmly and passionately deciding to quit (for good this time, darn it!) because I’m not good enough.
And then, after it’s all out of me and I get quiet again....I realize music is just a part of me whether I like it or not, and it coaxes me to keep going. And if I listen, and try again even though I think I’ve hit the limit of my ability....sometimes, after months or years of frustration....I don’t always know why, but the timing is right, a little switch flips, and things make sense....the pieces fit, the cogs slide together, and the wheels turn, and I truly connect with what I’m doing. And then the tears that follow are for a completely different reason...
So I guess I am constantly learning to keep going even when things don’t seem to be flowing, because I don’t know what might be happening under the surface, or when that last hit with the pickaxe will make the water gush.
So, with renewed anticipation I head to my studio to see what might happen today...
I go through various ups and downs where my music writing, and especially vocals, are concerned. You know that saying, "You’re your own worst critic"? Um, yeah, that’s kind-of an understatement for me. I sometimes hold myself and my music up to a ridiculously high standard, one that I will probably never reach, and then get discouraged when I can’t reach it. And then there follows wailing, and weeping, and general gnashing of teeth, and firmly and passionately deciding to quit (for good this time, darn it!) because I’m not good enough.
And then, after it’s all out of me and I get quiet again....I realize music is just a part of me whether I like it or not, and it coaxes me to keep going. And if I listen, and try again even though I think I’ve hit the limit of my ability....sometimes, after months or years of frustration....I don’t always know why, but the timing is right, a little switch flips, and things make sense....the pieces fit, the cogs slide together, and the wheels turn, and I truly connect with what I’m doing. And then the tears that follow are for a completely different reason...
So I guess I am constantly learning to keep going even when things don’t seem to be flowing, because I don’t know what might be happening under the surface, or when that last hit with the pickaxe will make the water gush.
So, with renewed anticipation I head to my studio to see what might happen today...
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