Good enough for what? I don’t know. I have spent years trying to be good enough for something, and the sadly funny thing is, I don’t know exactly what. Good enough for someone else? Good enough to meet my own expectations? Good enough to do what I believe I am called to do? Good enough to be a child of God?
Whatever it is, I will never be good enough.
Because now that I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt, maybe I can finally quit trying so hard. Now I can just BE.....in the grace of God.... I can begin to step out of myself and my fears of not “toeing the line”, and truly live as God has wanted me to - with my hands reaching out and ready to touch others, and my eyes open instead of squeezed tightly shut, trying to block out the constant mistakes I make. It’s not about my mistakes. It’s not about me at all.
It’s about being free to show the Love of God to others.
I have always been so worried about how I present myself, if I’m doing things right or messing up, striving to be good enough and falling into depression because I know I fail miserably. Love has been a rather elusive thing for me to understand and practice because it’s something, just by its nature, that makes me reach outside of myself and into the lives (and oftentimes space!) of other people. And sometimes I’m not comfortable with that. I always feel like my own broken things have to be fixed first so I can have something to offer before I can reach out to anyone else. What a lie that is! I will never have anything great to offer anyone. But God certainly does, and all I have to do is be open to letting Him use me to do it.
I can’t explain why God loves us so much. But I know He does. Laying his life down for us is the biggest proof of that. And I’m so thankful. Now if I can just learn to accept the love He already surrounds me with instead of futilely trying to earn it, maybe I would remember what joy really is.